Skin

Learning to put skin on my desire for Jesus to be ALL I need or in other words, learning to practically live my life in such a way that it reflects Jesus as my ALL, has not been an easy task. Honestly, it is a constant struggle to keep my focus on Him as I go through the daily-ness of my days (washing the dishes, cooking meals, sweeping the floor - again!, doing laundry, picking up toys, ...). God has been kind to put a couple of good books in my path that are helping me make some much needed changes in my way of thinking and consequently living, as well. One of those books is "The Discipline of Grace" by Jerry Bridges. Our Care Group at church is working through this one. The girls in our group are actually doing an online discussion as we read through the book together. Below are some my thoughts that I shared with the girls in my group...

I've been struck lately by how much I focus on me, like the Pharisee. I thought it was a good thing to want to be a great wife and mom, a good housekeeper, etc... What I've come to realize is that anything that takes my focus off of Christ is sin. So when I desire to be a great mom more than I desire Christ, that's wrong. I would never have said that I wanted those things more than Christ, but my life reflected it (still does, all too often). As I learn to keep my focus in the right place I am becoming painfully aware of my inability to be good in any capacity. To put it like Jerry Bridges said in this chapter, I am looking less at the more obvious, blatant sins that are so prevalent in our culture and am comparing myself to Christ, who is holy and perfect. I obviously don't even begin to measure up. I like what Dr. Bridges said on p.36, "I am not suggesting that being irritable at one's spouse is as serious as something like adultery. I am saying that being irritable at one's spouse is sin, and that all sin grieves God and should grieve us." Thankfully, we have the truth of the Gospel to fall back on and that is the topic of our next chapter. :)

Searching the Word

With Timothy sleeping soundly that first day, I settled in on the couch, ready to search the Word for some answers. I've been reading through the Bible and my reading that day fell on Luke 10. Reluctantly I decided to start there. What I really wanted to do was search for some scriptures that dealt directly with the questions I was asking. Turns out that I probably couldn't have found a more relevant passage if I had tried. Here's an excerpt from my journal that day:

"My Bible reading today fell in Luke 10. And I particularly took note of 2 things. The first was in v.20 when the 72 disciples have returned after Jesus sent them out, rejoicing that the demons are subject to them in Jesus' name. In v.20, Jesus warns them that their focus is off. It's a good thing that the spirits are subject to them but their joy should lie in the fact that their names are written in heaven. Lord, please help me get my focus right and keep it there.

The second thing I noticed was towards the end of the chapter in the section about Martha and Mary. ... Verse 41 says, 'Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.' Lord, I've been trying to do all these things that I think are necessary and good and I've neglected the one truly necessary thing - my relationship with You. I do truly want to change. Please help me."

All that I need.

Last fall, as our pastor preached on John 10 he made the comment, "Being a forever sheep in the Shepherd's pasture is all I want." That phrase has really stuck with me and gotten me thinking. What does it mean for Jesus, or being with Him, to be ALL I want? How is that realistically possible? What does that look like, lived out in a person's life? I've been a Christian a long time. I've sung the words, "You are my all in all" and "All that I need is you, Jesus" but is it true? Do I really believe it? As I was thinking through this, I had to say honestly that I wanted a lot of things - a lot of good things - AND Jesus! But pastor had shown us from the text in John 10 that ALL we should want is to be forever sheep in the Shepherd's pasture. What does that mean?

The first thing I decided to do was to set aside some significant time to spend with the Lord and to search His Word. So I committed Timothy's nap time for this end - all of his nap time - for at least a week. If you are the mother of a toddler you know how very important this time of the day is for getting things done. Never the less, I decided to give it up in my search to understand what it means to only want Jesus. I realized that the closest I'd ever come to experiencing that had been in college when I spent much more time with Him. But since getting married and then children... how could I only want Him when I have so many other responsibilities!?