I described it to my husband last night as "putting a match to a stick of dynamite and ending up with a cozy campfire." The match was lit yesterday morning by some misunderstanding or miscommunication between my 8 year old daughter and I, coupled with a stumped toe or some other minor physical pain she had just endured. She responded to all this by bursting into tears and I decided she needed a nap. In order for her to take a nap, I needed to go put sheets on her bed because we had stripped it earlier that morning. This brought more tears, pleading, and then yelling as she saw I was not giving in. She had had in mind to play on the empty bed with her little brother before we made it back up - never mind that she was home from school with pinkeye and supposed to be resting and doing homework.
When the screaming started I sent her to my room and, as I proceeded to make the bed, had thoughts of pity and sympathy for all the people I know with multiple girls. I thanked God that I only had one and seriously questioned if I wanted any more. I don't get these emotionally hysterical outbursts from my boys.
Once the bed was made, I went in to talk to my daughter who I found hiding and giving me a most unpleasant look. She was obviously angry. I don't like to spank my children but I knew biblically that was what I needed to do. Now I had remained relatively calm through all of this but when she reached back to stop the spanking, I got angry. I took a deep breath, told her I was angry and that I needed to go spend some time praying because I was not going to spank her while I was angry. Then I left the room. I did pray and quickly calmed down. I pulled out a book which contained references to the Bible verses about using "the rod" and discipline then decided to go read them to my daughter. This I did and we proceeded with the spanking. Before I started however, she looked up at me and said, "I'm sorry." I gave her a hug and said, "I still have to give you a spanking." To which she replied, "I know."
She pointed to the thorny one. Now, like I said, I've done this illustration with her before so she knew all of the correct answers. My next question, "Why do you think you looked more like that thorny tree rather than the fruit-filled one? Is it because of what happened?" "No." "Why then?"
When the screaming started I sent her to my room and, as I proceeded to make the bed, had thoughts of pity and sympathy for all the people I know with multiple girls. I thanked God that I only had one and seriously questioned if I wanted any more. I don't get these emotionally hysterical outbursts from my boys.
Once the bed was made, I went in to talk to my daughter who I found hiding and giving me a most unpleasant look. She was obviously angry. I don't like to spank my children but I knew biblically that was what I needed to do. Now I had remained relatively calm through all of this but when she reached back to stop the spanking, I got angry. I took a deep breath, told her I was angry and that I needed to go spend some time praying because I was not going to spank her while I was angry. Then I left the room. I did pray and quickly calmed down. I pulled out a book which contained references to the Bible verses about using "the rod" and discipline then decided to go read them to my daughter. This I did and we proceeded with the spanking. Before I started however, she looked up at me and said, "I'm sorry." I gave her a hug and said, "I still have to give you a spanking." To which she replied, "I know."
That out of the way, we went to sit on the couch and talk about what had just happened. This is where the cozy campfire really got going. I asked her, "Now why did all that just happen?" and as she started to recap what happened earlier I got a piece of paper and started to draw a sunshine. 
I learned this little illustration in a counseling class I'm taking at our church and since I first learned it, I've used it several times with my two older children - so it was not new to her. The sunshine represents heat or what happened - in our case; a hurt foot, misunderstanding, and mom making the bed. Next I drew a thorny tree and a fruit tree and asked her which one her reaction looked most like.
She pointed to the thorny one. Now, like I said, I've done this illustration with her before so she knew all of the correct answers. My next question, "Why do you think you looked more like that thorny tree rather than the fruit-filled one? Is it because of what happened?" "No." "Why then?""Because of what's in my heart." Evidently she had listened well when we did this before. :) We listed a couple of negative attitudes that were in her heart then I pulled out my "Wise Words for Moms" chart by Ginger Plowman. First we looked up Ephesians 4:22-24 which she wanted to find and read (I was so pleased that she was really getting into this and not just enduring it :). From these verses we talked about "putting off the old self" and "putting on the new self" then I showed her how Ginger Plowman's chart works: there is a column listing behaviors, a column for "putting off," a column for "putting on," and a place for additional Bible verses. She read through each of the behaviors deciding if they described her in what happened today. Our list of negative attitudes grew. She was very honest and somewhat insightful as we went through this. With that list completed we then made a list of the corresponding things to "put on" and we read through Bible verses which talked about both. This took a while but she amazingly did not tire of it. Once we completed that, there was one more step before we could be finished. "How can we change our bad root to a good root?" She was still engaged and wanted to draw the cross in the middle and the path of grace that flows from the cross to take our evil desires and change them to godly ones. 
It is only by God's grace that I did not react just as emotionally and inappropriately as my daughter initially did. I am so thankful for the work that He is doing in my life that allowed this amazing transaction to take place!
It is only by God's grace that I did not react just as emotionally and inappropriately as my daughter initially did. I am so thankful for the work that He is doing in my life that allowed this amazing transaction to take place!
